Rockies 3, Red Sox 2

 

Oh, for fuck's sake! They couldn't beat the Rockies? The 30-48 Rockies, officially the worst team in all of baseball? The Dodgers (50-29), the Braves (48-29), the Brewers (47-29), and even the Marlins (40-39) have all swept the Rockies this season - the  Padres (40-37) swept a four-game series against them. Meanwhile, the 2026 Boston Red Sox (31-45, and dropping) are 0-1 against the Rockies so far this season.

But wait, it gets worse. The Sox went into the bottom of the ninth with a 2-0 lead, and put their ace closer, Aroldis Chapman, on the mound. Chapman didn't register a single out - he gave up three consecutive singles to load the bases, and then a game-winning, walk-off, three-run triple. Thanks, Chapman. You just lost the game for Boston to the Colorado Fucking Rockies. Chapman, you suck. 

I've had it! The Red Sox suck. They really do. Rafaela and Mayer both went 0-4 at bat in the game, so Rafaela and Mayer suck. Gasper, Wong, Duran, Durbin, Yoshida, Seigler, and Monasterio all went hitless last night, so Gasper, Wong, Duran, Durbin, Yoshida, Seigler, and Monasterio  all suck. Coach Chad Tracy sucks. Chief Baseball Officer Craig Breslow sucks big time. Owner John W. Henry, Chairman Tom Werner, and President/CEO Sam Kennedy all suck.

It doesn't stop there. Boston sucks. There, I said it! Boston sucks. Boston Harbor sucks (and smells funny), the Boston Common sucks, Beacon Hill sucks, the Back Bay sucks, and Harvard and MIT both suck. Boston College sucks, but everybody already knows that. Comm Ave sucks, Kenmore Square sucks, Fenway Park sucks, the Green Monster sucks, and even the Citgo sign sucks. 

Aerosmith, J. Geils, The Cars, and the Dropkick Murphys suck, and Mission of Burma are overrated. Matt Damon and Ben Affleck suck, Mark Wahlberg sucks, and even John Krasinski sucks. The ladies, too: Eliza Dushku sucks, Maura Tierney sucks, Allison Janney sucks, Connie Britton sucks, and even Amy Poehler sucks.

Dropping the letter "r" sucks and the Boston accent is wicked annoying.

This blog, Sweat Dissolves Water, which primarily covers Boston teams, sucks. You suck if you're reading this and I certainly suck for writing it. 

The Yankees lost last night, dropping their third straight game, and it goes without saying that the Yankees suck. 

Game two of the Colorado road series is tonight. Sonny Gray (8-1, 3.12) faces rookie Sean Sullivan (0-1, 10.29), making his third-ever MLB appearance. The Sox, who, by the way, suck, are improbably 1½-run favorites.