Goddamnit, Aggies! You had ONE fucking job this season, just one thing we've asked of you, and that was to beat Texas so that Georgia wouldn't have to play in the SEC Championship Game. But you inbred, cow-humping, quasi-fascist motherfuckers couldn't even do THAT, and you let the three-loss No. 16 Texas Longhorns beat your until-then undefeated No. 3 team, 27-17.
We're through. Get the fuck out of my SEC.
I'm not a fan of Texas football. Over-rated teams strutting around like show ponies after you beat other weak-ass Texas teams, and then getting your asses kicked when you have to cross the Red River and play an out-of-state, real football team (usually Oklahoma). I didn't want Texas teams in the SEC, but the filthy lucre of big-oil money and potential television ratings got the better of the conference chairpersons and they didn't listen to me and let in, first, A&M and then, later, Texas and Oklahoma. Now we're stuck with you losers and frankly, the cow-shit on your silly-looking boots is stinking up the whole conference.
A&M parlayed an easy schedule into a 10-0 season record. They had one quality win - by a single point, mind you - over Notre Dame (and don't get me started on THEM), and struggled against unranked South Carolina (4-7), falling behind, 30-3, before coming back and winning by a single point (and then trying to gaslight the press into thinking the comeback was some sort of elite athletic achievement).
I'd have gone easy on you if you had beat Texas LIKE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO and let the Bulldogs avoid the conference championship, but now we have to go to Mercedes-Benz Stadium on December 6 for another game because your sorry asses lost to the Longhorns (who, incidentally, we beat, 35-10). Y'all better get down on your knees in that pig slop you call Kyle Field and pray to whatever pagan gods you believe in that unranked Auburn (who even YOU beat) doesn't upset Alabama, because if they do, YOU'LL be playing the Bulldogs in the title game and we will kick your soft, sorry asses with the full rightful indignation over our having to even be there.
Okay, dude - deep breath. Calm down. Let's wrap up this post with a shred of dignity.
No. 10 Alabama (9-2) plays unranked Auburn (5-6) tonight at 7:30 pm in Auburn's Jordan-Hare Stadium. If Alabama wins, they advance to the SEC championship game against No. 4 Georgia (11-1) on December 6. If Auburn pulls off the upset, Georgia will play No. 3 (for now) Texas A&M (11-1) for the championship. Despite a far better record and higher ranking, the Tide are favored by only 5½ points.
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