O'er and across the great snot-green, testicle-tightening ocean, far from the shores of North Armorica where the River Oconee permits the doubling of Laurens County, brave young men competed in a contest pitting their athletic strength for the meticulous scrutiny of older timekeepers at the old Landsdowne Rugby Grounds, known today among the sporting cognoscenti as Aviva Stadium.
It had better be stated here and now at the outset that the perverted purple wildcats of the fair agrarian state of Kansas, where the sunflowers Bloom and where Dorothea dreamt of roads of yellow brick, were the favorites to win the game some saying by as many as three points although to be sure that was a point of great contention over which much argument ensued and vast sums of money had been wagered. That having been said as has just been done above Dorothea was again undone by a cyclone as the lesser ranked Cyclops, coming as they tend to do from the wholesome corn-fed state of IOU with rose from the prairie with its grassley fields of ernst. Late in the game which from all accounts and reports was played honestly and in complete accordance with the rules however arcane set forth among the learned universities and colleges participating in such events as these, the Cyclops elected not to kick the inflated pigskin (13 psi) a distance of 17 yards or as known in all of Ireland as 15 meters but the whistle blew and, huuh!, off they went deciding instead to undergo a conversion of sorts by taking the pigskin into their hands which strangely is allowed in a game that is called in most circles football while handball is a game of a completely different nature and ran off while holding that selfsame ball in those very hands to very nearly close to the ultimate destination in what is called in those selfsame certain circles the end zone. Inwit of agenbite among the wildcats not expecting a maneuver such as that, but great merriment ensued on the other slide and although it was generally agreed that the cyclonic Cyclops of IOU were not to win the game they were in the end when all was said and done and the points all tallied and accounted for indeed emerging as vocrorious over the wildcats by the very same number of points which is say three by which they were expected to lose. Huzzah! All hearts were a-beat. Cyclops, they cried, we are undone. Wildcat eyes were sad anemones and a tear fell: one only. The jubilant Cyclops jeered, pulling down their britches to taunt the cats with the mellow, yellow, smellow globes of their overmuscled big black butts. Succubitus felix.
The results of this athletic contest of strengthspeedstrategyandvirility require that the cyclone Cyclops of IOU be fed to the coyotes of south dakota while Dorothea's wily wildcats will fight the hawks of the dakota of the north.
The Georgia Bulldogs play the Marshall Thundering Herd next Saturday. The Dawgs are 39.5-point favorites.
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